I just found this video on YouTube of a guy ranting about his frustrations with the Plenty of Fish dating site. He basically bitches and moans about the things that women do, which is not fair for him. I’ll let you watch the video first and then I’ll give my commentary and analysis afterward:
Did you watch it? Notice how this guys is completely frustrated by his attempts at online dating? I’m not surprised, he is a typical guy on the site and is going about it all wrong. He gripes about three things in the video and I’d like to address all of them and break it down.
Girls Not Revealing Their Correct ‘Body Type’
This is to be expected on any dating site not just on Plenty of Fish. He basically accuses larger obese women of putting themselves in the wrong categories. This does happen quite often and not just with women. Men fudge their statistics too, particularly the height category. Essentially everyone nudges their personal traits to be more favorable, after all, they are trying to attract mates as best they can.
So, you can’t stop women from fudging their profiles, but you can screen them easily if you know what to look for. For example, if she only has head shots in all of her pictures or if she put’s “I’d rather not say” in the body type category, then there’s a good chance that she is larger and you just move on (assuming you’re not attracted to larger women of course).
Who’s Who?
His second gripe is regarding girls who put up pictures of themselves with another girl or a bunch of other girls. I somewhat agree with him here. It is hard to tell who is the owner of the profile if the only pictures they show are group shots. However, there is a rule on the Plenty of Fish dating site that says your main picture should be a head shot of just you. So, assuming that rule is enforced then you should be able to tell the face behind the profile.
Helloooooo
The main reason I wanted to show this video is because this guy’s last gripe is EXACTLY what I talked about in my last post about subject lines. He complains that a girl chewed him out because all he did was send her a message saying, “Hello.”
From the experiment I ran in the last post, we saw that in the female profile, 39 out of 60 emails had subject lines that simply read: hello, hi or hey. With that many guys sending you crappy messages that just say ‘hello’, it’s not hard for me to imagine a girl flipping out on a random dude every now and then. It’s kind of like listening to kids in the back of the car, constantly asking, “are we there yet?” Eventually, one of the parents will snap and tell those little ankle bitters to shut the f#@k up.
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{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
Yeah..I never really know what to do with those “hey” messages; there’s too many to sift through, and those ones are far too easy to toss aside…I just ignore them
Guys are REALLY bad when it comes to the height issue. I’m 5’7″ and messaged with a guy for a few weeks who claimed he was 6′ (on POF too). On our date I wore a pair of 4″ heels and towered over him. When I switched to flip-flops, we were the same height. It happens all the time too and I don’t get it. Do they really think we won’t notice a difference of 3-4+ inches in person?
Romi,
I’m not sure that the men on these sites understand the volume of the messages being sent to women. Sure, a simple “Hello” or “Hi” might work when you are out in public, walking down the street, but if 60 guys all shouting “Hey” at the same time isn’t increasing any of their odds. Clearly, being unique is the key, and that’s what the guy above doesn’t realize.
Jenn,
I understand why guys would lie about their height, I’m 5’5 after all, so I know a thing or two about the frustrations that it entails. However, I also understand that the whole point of online dating is to get a date in real life and eventually some sort of relationship. Thus, if the first real life contact begins with either party noticing blatant lies then all credibility of that person is shot. The whole experience just ends becoming a waste of time.
Yea it sucks when you have physical set backs such as height or weight but you have to work with what you have because lying isn’t getting anyone anywhere.
Jenn, RE: height issue.
Height and other metrics used heavily in online dating are generally not relevant to attraction for the most part, UNLESS of course the difference is quite significant.
The height issue is pretty nuts on online dating sites. For instance, I’m a 5′ 10″ 230 lb guy, not overweight, not bulky, but big of course. In real life women up to 6′ tall approach me generally without concern for height. Still on POF simply increasing my height to 6′ easily doubles the email I receive. Tried it as a test.
I’m not complaining about the height thing, I actually understand why it is an issue from a psychological perspective. Shoulder waist ratio, and the amount of light you block/reflect [greater stimulation of senses]
You’ll also see people lying about age a little as well. For instance a 45 yr old guy is generally eliminating from most 35-42 yr old women on dating sites, by age restriction but that generally isn’t the case in real life.
People have a choice, of either fudging the numbers a little bit, or simply not using these sites … because the metrics employed don’t reflect real life for these people.
For instance there are several women on POF in the 40 – 45 age range that lie about age by 3-5 yrs. They do this because in real life they are healthy, fit, attractive enough to attract guys in the lower age range. Also they believe men their age couldn’t possibly be as great as they are because science/health/nutrition/etc. only works for the female of the species. (j/k)
Metrics on dating sites are assumed by the reader to follow the standard expectations, if you’re a person that is fairing better than standard (above average) you’re either struck to finding someone else in your age range that’s above average as well or simply lie a little to increase your odds.
Women are generally more moved by the personality, character, drive, status,etc. of man than looks/height. The hope of those “fudging” is that they can overcome it once they meet you … it does work often enough … to be worth the effort.
lol that video is hilarious and I totally agree
First off, I want to say thank you for what you are doing here on your website. I find myself learning more about myself from your works here, which I sincerely appreciate. For, in life, I have long since fully accepted there is nothing that I can ever do about the personality flaws in other human beings. However, having an honest self-appraisal/self-evaluation of myself, I feel, can go a long way in the reality of good solid character building, which would always benefit me in all walks of day-to-day life and general coping within the context of the society of people that I exist within. Needless to say, the opposite sex exists in that same society also. Therefore, if I were to ever hope to find a viable romantic mate, she would obviously already be from that pool of society as well. So, I think that the solution to any problem in life always starts at home — with my own thorough character examination followed immediately with a resultant corrective initiative and action. Personally and willingly, that is my daily course of choice.
Therefore, for me, “honesty” starts at home, with how I sincerely know myself, not with my self-seeking “loaded demands” upon another person to “tell me the truth”, according to how I want to hear it. When I see women (or men) doing that on PoF, that is always a sure sign that the person who is demanding honesty from another person, is the same person who is totally clueless about themselves at the same time. In reality, it is not the fault of the free single’s website host to have persons on their website without character or any shred of humanity left, especially if there is no screening process or character standard that is pre-required in which to join, other that what my be written into an EULA, sign-up terms.
Personally, I may have some issues with a single’s site owner; however, I certainly would never blame him for utter un-checked trash-cans to somehow fall out of the air, and rain themselves onto his site, peppering themselves all about in every virtual nook and cranny! How could he ever control that — especially to the tune of literally millions of people? Realistically, it would take at least three times that many people on PoF to manage the maturity-indexes of those on there already just seeking romance and relationships. In the end, I think that each person is responsible for their quality of being. For, it only stands to reason that if I imagine that I “want something” from another person in life, (woman, in my case), then I need to fully examine what my contribution is going to be to that romantic arena. As such, I think that it goes both ways for each of the sexes. I am totally responsible for my own choices in life, especially with some woman that I might have intent to share my intimacy with her! Recklessness is its own reward (or consequence) for the irresponsible.
Anyway, the reason that I am choosing to comment on this critique, is because of the issue this video fellow brought up on “how to cope with an excessively morbidly plump woman”.
First off, I need to mention a few things about myself, in that, I am not a drinking, drugging or otherwise cigarette-smoking fellow. Nor do I indulge myself into other vices such as gambling or other illicit and degenerate degradations in life. Very simply, those are just my personal life choices. For, I have never been so bored in my life that I need to fry my brain for some cheap amusement in order to pretend that I am an orangutan in the woods lost somewhere in the cosmos. Therefore, I have never once been able to relate to anyone who indulges themselves into party-culture. And, I assure you that I have never once suffered any boredom whatsoever in my short 46 year life! And, overall, even though life is hard, I feel relatively happy and content. For, those who revel in self-indulgence run riot, it is a case of mind over matter for me, really. I don’t mind that others might choose that sort of lifestyle, but as for me, it really don’t matter a goshdamn either. Each to their own.
However, I have long since known that the majority of experienced or mature women also tend to not like guys who are party-boys either. What woman, in her right mind, who might want children or who already has children would want to come bail her new PoF boyfriend out of jail just because he insists to party all night long with all his other boyfriends at the sports-bar or dope-house?
Please read on and follow my line of reasoning that I am building here…
So, when someone is afflicted with a drug and alcohol problem, yet a woman or man engages into a sexual relationship with such a person, then they get what they deserve, I feel. So, in my opinion and experience, I have no sympathy for any woman who is going to subject herself to such a fellow, and then cries the blues about it later.
If you don’t want to be with a drunk or stoner, then don’t date one. It is that simple. However, on the other hand, it is morally wrong to ever expect someone else to “up and change”. When someone enters into a relationship, somehow imagining that they can force change in another person, they are already exhibiting more insanity than the degenerate drinking or drugging person whom they would soon to be complaining about in the first place. When I see any woman who is looking for “a challenge” like that, I write her off as mentally ill and simply go onto the next profile. If She tries to even look at me or write to me, I run like hell for my life, treating her like a thermonuclear catastrophe!
Really, as I see it, there is no point in stirring up that level of potential chaos, when the original point of my being on the single’s site in the first place was finding a romantic relationship and even a long-term commitment. Why voluntarily do something that is only defeating the underlying purpose of my being with a particular woman in the first place?? It comes down to the basic question: “why am I on this dating site in the first place?” Am I on here to crusade against some woman’s degenerative habits or full-blown addictions? Or, am I sincerely on here to find a compatible mate with whom we could get along well enough together to transcend beyond that first date together. It is a question of whether I want to screw-in another person or to screw-up another person. As I see it, either choice is a valid option; however, each nets its own sets of rewards and results.
For myself, I do agree that some “complementary polarity” is necessary for the relative harmony of such a romantic pact or commitment. In the long run, I am not on PoF to “date around”, or lecture and scold others. I am only on there for one purpose only: to find one woman as my exclusive sexual mate under the terms of a mutual agreement and commitment together. The whole thing is a very simple drill to me, and I simply have no desire to complicate it beyond that. And, I won’t.
I thank heavens everyday of my life that I would only be compatible with very, very few women of the world!! For, I certainly don’t ever need to force my ideas and ways upon another human being who would not already have the same essential core values and beliefs that I already do. I have no desire to use my mouth to scream something into some woman’s brain; instead, I desire to use my mouth in a “more lower-down way” — in order that she might start doing the screaming! I assure anyone, that I am more content with being moderately horny in life, yet still with soundness of mind. It may be more popular in the world of the world, to satisfy one’s horniness, all the while, completely sacrificing all residual human sanity within a given logistical condition between two people; but again, that is not my personal choice in the matter. Certainly I would like to be in a workable, doable, human and realistic relationship with another women; however, if that don’t happen…?…O well… I know how to deal with being single anyway. It’s what god invented hobbies for, and the requiem of getting a life.
I think that too many people are seeking something with someone else where there is no real general agreement in the first place. Positively: there are personalities behind penises and pussies, believe it or not! I think that it behooves one to “look before they leap”, which brings me full circle as to what I was originally saying: I feel that if someone wants something in particular with another person in romance, then they need to be the first to contribute the commodity that they are claiming to seek. If someone has no personality to bring to the bargaining table, other than their bloody and blasted sex organs, then I can see why the sorts of plebian problems tend to exist and prevail as they do. As I see it, many women and men are totally in denial — pretending around about what their real motives are for sex, romance and relationships are in the first place.
Ok, that was the “premise and preface” of my statement here. Now, on with the plump woman thing…
For years, I have been at a total loss as to how any plump (or plumb! Latin for lead!) woman, who clearly has an eating disorder or full-blown food addiction, feels that she has some sort of double-standard liberty and entitlement to expect some poor sot to control his drinking and revelry?? Why would any woman who is three times the size of the Goodyear Blimp — ominously impending heart failure or cancer, to live out the remainder of her life as a beached whale on a hospital bed on the 14th floor somewhere for the sake and wellbeing of Dr. B. M. Wagner(!) — ever demand or expect to have some fellow who has not yet fried his liver all to hell from wanton active chemical dependency? Go figure. (Please, pardon my poetic over-exaggeration and absurdity here, as I am making this point.)
Nevertheless, such a woman is a prime candidate for a nursing home, where in order for caregiver staff to get her out of bed every morning, they use a sort of hydraulic lift that resembles and engine hoist! I state for the record: both alcoholism/drug addiction AS WELL AS food addiction are very serious and deadly illnesses here. These are very real, ordinary human problems that are very common and prevalent in any society in the world, even throughout the history of the world, at that. It is simply not humanly possible for people who are so irresponsible to themselves, to ever have any sort of responsibility to another human being in the first place. For, asking a drinker, druggie, or food junkie to make a valid contribution in any romantic relationship is the same as asking some fellow who has no legs to go jog 20 miles! Whose the real fool there, I wonder??
So, if one cannot overcome their human problem(s) in life, then what gives them the right to be an utter garbage scowl who is seeking to have the company of a polished diamond? What on earth is that all about? What person in their right mind would ever think like that??
As for me, I don’t even make the first mistake of an email with such a woman. It is a waste of my time, for one. Also, if I did that, over time, I would be crying the blues worse than this poor fellow in the video here.
Overall, I feel very sorry for anyone who simply cannot be honest with themselves. They are not hurting anyone else but themselves. Like I said, I feel that honesty starts at home with what I am telling myself in the mirror each and every day! And, then after I actually begin to get to know myself, then suddenly I might be able to “know something” about the “human condition” in life. After which, I can suddenly apply more prudence and discernment in my choices of what sort of woman that I imagine that I might want to sleep with.
I just don’t feel that it is humanly possible to realistically or effectively criticize others for not being what I want them to be for my own personal sexual convenience — in general; and, at the same time, be honest with myself about the who and what that I am in life. I feel that if someone is seeking a saint for a partner, then go be a saint first. But who wants to hear that for a solution to their woes in life??! If someone is barely yet evolved away from a single-celled amœba, in life, then why would you ever expect to sleep with anything other than another amœba?? Besides, amœbæ are asexual creatures in the first place! The whole ironic joke here is that it tends to follow that amœbæ only “phlog” themselves anyway. For, it is how they recreate themselves, or perpetuate what they are all about in life. As for me, circular reasoning is far superior to either deductive or inductive reasoning! For, “nothing changes if nothing changes”.
Thanx for allowing me this quarter.
-Nitrothor Hesperion
Nitrothor,
Wow man, that was probably one of the most epic comments I’ve ever received. I don’t really have much to respond with, as you’ve throughly explained your stance.
Though I will add that you have standards and know what you want, which is unlike most men I see in online dating. Most guys seem to bitch and moan about how they aren’t getting what they want out of Internet dating, or regular dating for that matter, yet they have never clearly defined to themselves what they wanted in the first place. It’s like going into a restaurant and asking the waiter to pick anything on the menu for your order and then complaining about it when it shows up.
ODP:
Say, if you want another high-end, hind-end, self-induced, self-inflicted suffering, check out this poor “enlightened” fellow, who “knows what he is talking about”:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiN_dcCSZoI
This episode is part one of a four-part “rant” on basically the same subject as this poor video fellow here on this webpage. Only, this YouTube web-site fellow is a bit more expressive and “dramatically subtle” about it, along with being much less apologizing.
Grab a bag of popcorn and a coke and invite all your friends to watch it with you; for, I think it is a good one, relative to its genretic [zhan-rhet-ick, contrived adj. of "genre"] peer-group.
I think this fellow is a beaute, really. What human being doesn’t feel this poor guy’s pain and anguish? This very sad guy is drowning in his own blood and vomit, yet makes it all seem rather funny and amusing, as his soul is helplessly draining away into his own self-made descent into Hades! It makes me wonder what both George Carlin and Diogenes might be thinking concerning any sort of mounting promise within this young boy.
Truly, I admit that I relate with any fellow who is a masochist in life. So, I am not necessary offering a critique of him — yet! I just offer this link as a dirge exchange of romantic nursery rhymes here on OnlineDatingParadox. Really, I have always agreed with whoever said that god invented romance and relationships for people who are too happy, well-adjusted, peaceful and serene in life.
Also, I should mention that I feel that it is totally valid to bring forth any problem within the context of human affairs so that we might all examine it together; however, I also feel that it is equally valuable to offer some sort of realistic solution to the crisis in discussion here as well.
Perhaps, there are several solutions or choices that one could opt to take, in order to cope and deal with this very real human dilemma. For, there really is no sense in bringing forth a civic problem that is either not solvable or where no one is really mutually interested in solving in the first place, lest we would suddenly have to go without our pathetic fears, cowardice and resentments, along with our self-pity parades and self-alienated inner loneliness as our terminal and permanent branded banners for life. As I see it, it is a matter of simple choice really, followed by some observable and measurable active momentum.
So, any solution is a solution really, to include wantonly blaming M.F., and leaving him hung at a tree somewhere in B.C. However, that solution is the solution that continues to perpetuate the problem, which is good for anyone who profits off of this sort of thing in the first place. As for the rest of us human beings, we are fresh out of free greenbacks for Ibuprofen, Inc.
Also, in my previous submission on here…the html code did not work. Therefore, I humbly and respectfully ask the site owner to take the time and correct it — if you want to or are able to do this on this website. However, you can do with it as you please, obviously. Please associate my penname with any sorts of reprints of this tribute on your website. However, in the end, I cannot control that either, nor do I want to. Also, in my former writing, in the third paragraph, after the first “I”, there should not be a comma after it. I thought that I had proof-checked it better than that. Sorry.
Great Site!
I now consider this website, along with “SheMakesTheRules!”, as well as Wikipedia and Dictionary the best websites on the internet. (Notice that I did not mention PoF or any of the messenger services or the other [anti] social networks.) My 7-star ratings here are based on the relative availability of human beings present, coupled with my desire to mingle.
Again: Great Site!
Gesundheit!
(And, don’t let your souls get away from ya!)
-Nitrothor Hesperion
Post Script: I think that a good logo for a website like this ought to include keeping the shark idea going, but instead, have blue-collared sharks, carrying their lunch-pails and timecards, casually ambling in and out of a whirlpool somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, sort of like one would expect to see in a setting of ordinary redneck factory-jocks in the Midwest, not that there are really any factories left around here. You get the idea, though.
“…Shalt not take ourselves too seriously here, eh?”
After all, who are we kidding if we can’t laugh at our own human folly?? For, I was not born in merry-damned-England, ya know!
It all pays the same…
== == == == == == ==
I am just getting started here. I’m a newbie.
Matt Savage of ODP:
Thank You.
I fully agree with You, wholeheartedly.
However, we gentlemen must agree that it is making someone out there a heluva living to utterly disregard what you have noted.
Back at home, my problem (and I did say: My Problem) in life is that I have to somehow successfully shave what parts of my face that I still do each and every day. For, I gave up on the beard thing after Jethro Tull’s Under Wraps album thing back in ’84. Thus, I evolved into a fu manchu thing in order to snot the clean-shaven metalists. Nevertheless, either option on my part still netted me with same problem that has [finally] lead me to your website, here today.
Welcome me.
Peace always, friend.
-Nitrothor
in ref: commentaries of M.F. of PoF
Post-Post Script: As my old childhood friend, Alfred E. N., used to say: “What?? Me Serious??”
-Nitrothor
‘Clearly, being unique is the key, and that’s what the guy above doesn’t realize.’
the trick (method) is to accumulate a file of “unique” and brief canned (template based) responses.
though the guys still need to scattershot those “unique” responses…
however, anyone living in a reasonably populated area, shouldn’t bother trying online “dating” if RW dating is broken.
http://fmsa.dote.hu/newspaper/issue16/sperm0.jpg
http://atheisthaven.blogspot.com/2009/03/dialogue-between-sperm-cell-and-sperm.html