As most women on PlentyofFish will tell you, a large majority of the emails they receive are terrible. We even took a look at seven of these bad dating email messages in the last post. We also found that, in our fake female reconnaissance profile that in less than two days, we received 60 email messages from men on the site. The sad news is that almost every single one of those emails were terrible. Out of sixty only one email caught my attention and would be considered good. Take a look:
Click to Enlarge
Not too bad in my opinion. It’s not great, but I’d say it’s in the top 1% of the rest of the garbage that flows into a female’s inbox. Why do I think it’s good?
- The subject line, it’s true, is simple, unique and makes me want to open the message. By saying, “it’s true,” it makes me curious as to what he’s talking about. Much better than the ever popularly lame: hi, hey, hello, etc.
- There are no spelling or grammar mistakes. Nor are there any shorthand phrases, like replacing you for U, or other nonsense.
- He isn’t putting her up on a pedestal by giving her unconditional praise. Instead he opts for his you’re adorable opener. This works as a nice little compliment without going overboard
- The next line: but my mum always warned me about rockstar girls; works great as a disqualifying tactic, as well as being a cute way to flirt with her.
- He shows that he actually read the profile by mentioning the Karaoke thing. In the profile, I wrote that this girl loves singing and going to Karaoke. This guy picked up on that and fed it right back. Also, he is setting the groundwork for a future date possibility.
- Finally, he mentions indirectly that he’s away traveling. We don’t know why, but it could mean that he likes to travel, which most women find attractive or that he is traveling on business, which means he probably has a good career.
Though many of these aspects may seem simple and subtle to many men out there, it was executed extremely well in my opinion. It’s intriguing, it’s simple, it’s flirty, it displays high value and it leaves us wanting to reply. This is exactly what a first email should entail.
Of course, this is coming from a man’s opinion, I’d like to know what you ladies think and how would you respond if you received this email message on the Plenty of Fish dating site or other online dating site?
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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
I used to be part of PoF. It is pretty hopeless. Unless you are a skinny porn star type I don’t think men on any online dating site will be interested in you. I got fed up with having my hopes raised only to have my ego bashed or just be ignored when I didn’t want to screw his brains out for him.
Laura,
I’m not sure I agree that it’s hopeless. I agree that many men have their expectations way too high. In my observations, pretty much most girls in online dating will get some attention from the men, I think it’s just a matter of being patient waiting for the right ones, while weeding out all the losers.
Men who has no firm opinion of themselves or their search criteria are definitely big NO NO’s!
@Laura .. online dating is far from hopeless, I know many people that met their spouse online. You have to accept there are idiots and players online, some men will only look for model types but how many models would want to touch them with a barge pole .. just ignore them and move on. Choosing the right site is also a big part of finding decent guys.
Great post Matt and I do hope men will take note.
The problem I have is that they’ll read it, but never reply. I never have gotten a good response rate on POF, say maybe only one out of ten or fifteen emails…
Maybe there are just more men than women on POF.
What does the yellow dot thats posted under a ladies photo mean
Just wanted to take a moment and address the two anonymous comments above. I know it’s over six months later, but better late than never I suppose:)
@Anonymous 1,
Believe it or not, your one out of ten response rate isn’t that bad compared to a lot of guys, so I wouldn’t get too hung up on that issue. The fact that the male to female ratio on these dating sites are so skewed means it’s inevitable that a males messages will often get ignored. Don’t take it personally.
@Anonymous 2,
Those yellow dots mean that that member is a “Serious Member.” In other words, it means that they have a paid membership with PlentyofFish and part of that means getting a little yellow dot or star next your name to stand out.
Hey Matt,
What is the difference between chat and online?
@david,
I’m not sure I know what you are referring to by “chat and online,” but I would guess that chat refers to real time chat messaging, such as an instant message program… but you’ll have to be more specific about what you’re talking about, for instance, is what your talking about on the PlentyofFish site?
When you look at who is online under their picture it will read ‘chat’, ‘online’ or ’23 minutes’. I am guessing the time refers to the last time they were online, but I am unclear on the others. Thanks for getting back so quickly
@david,
Ah now I understand. The difference is that if it display’s “chat” under their picture then you have the ability to click on that chat link and have a real time instant message conversation. If it says “online” under their picture, it just simply means that they are logged in to the site at the moment but have disabled the chat option, in which you would have to message them the normal way via the sites internal message/email system. I believe the number of minutes shown under the picture is an indication of the time elapsed since they last logged into the site, which has some use since it indicates a person’s level of activity on the site.
Hope that helps to clarify.
Hey!
( smirk)
This post is chock full of goodness. As a middle aged , short,balding single man on POF it didn’t take too many experimental profile changes/ first messages ,to grasp the big picture so eloquently detailed in this post.
Women want substance ,and most can smell bullshit a mile away.
Hopefully more people stumble on this .