I’ve been searching around various different blogs lately trying to find different people’s experiences in using PlentyofFish. Lately, I’ve been stumbling across some blog posts by some women who are out in the dating scene looking for potential male suitors. Unfortunately, it seems like a lot of disappointment in the men on the site. And for the most part, these men are making a lot of the common mistakes that I’ve mentioned repeatedly on this very blog. Lets take a further look at two of these examples, shall we?
Saving Diva setup a Plenty of Fish profile and has commented that she receives many short lame messages containing such subject lines as Hi, cute pic, etc. as I’ve discussed in my post about sucky subject lines.
“One guy actually referred to me as “sweetpea.” I haven’t been responding to the majority of the messages, and I haven’t received a decent message yet. Is this how all online dating sites are? If so, count me out! I need a little effort put into a message.”
So far though, she has actually gone out on a number of dates with some guys she met on Plenty of Fish. However, it was apparent that not all went well; below are a few of the men’s dating faux pas:
- A couple of guys ended up lying about their height and were shorter than described in their profiles
- One of these had questionable manners
- One guy lied about his age
- Another didn’t look like his pictures
- and a couple of them were quite boring
So, as we can see, the selection of decent guys on the site are few and far between, though her POF date#3 seemed to be a winner despite owning a Porshe Boxster S (apparently that’s a turn-off?)
Romi from The Year of the Chick
Romi had an excursion on Plenty of Fish back in October which resulted in some humorous blog posts, but she basically concluded at the end that all she found were duds. Along with Dating Diva, she also received a lot of crappy email messages:
“I find that every time I enter the site and cruise around, there are five emails waiting after only a couple of minutes. What this means of course is sifting through a lot of crap, such as: ”Hey baby”—crap, “Can I see more pictures?”—crap, “I want to make you my everything”—crap, etc, etc, etc.”
I don’t think she ever went on a date with anyone, but it’s clear in her making fun of the ridiculous messages she got why she wouldn’t or couldn’t find a decent date on the site.
—-
So, it seems that these two women, who seem like great catches, just aren’t getting the kind of quality game fish that you’d find on paid dating sites or in real life for that matter. This just goes to prove my theory that the competition between men on PlentyofFish.com is quite weak despite the incredible large quantity.
This is both good for those of us able to display interesting attractive personalities through the site but also bad because it makes it more difficult to stick out amongst the rest of the mackerels.
Also, it appears that both Saving Diva and Romi experienced the same thing I had when I set up the fake online profile and received tons and tons of bad dating emails messages with ridiculous short sited subject lines like; hi, hey, hello, etc.
Another problem that is pretty apparent to me is the lying. Now, that is something I just don’t understand. When you setup a Plenty of Fish profile you have to realize that the intent is to eventually meet other people in real life. And when your first impression to that person is of being a liar then you are off to a really bad start. Chances are that there isn’t going to be a second date and you basically wasted your time.
All in all, I am beginning to understand the frustrations of women on plentyoffish. It’s like the guys aren’t even trying. Seriously, these guys really need to start reading my blog…
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{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
Sounds good! I might try it on my new friend Dotty (see http://russellcavanagh.com/2/?p=197)
In regards to the first girl (Diva), if she doesn't like the subject lines, thinks their too short of description; why doesn't she make an EFFORT herself and be the first to initiate an online conversation instead of waiting for the guy to make the 1st move. I thought women in today's society were supposed to be more independent. Guess not. She also makes these points about some of her dates:
—-A couple of guys ended up lying about their height and were shorter than described in their profiles.
—-One of these had questionable manners
—-One guy lied about his age
—-Another didn't look like his pictures
and a couple of them were quite boring.
Let me tell you something…. the same goes true for guys. I'd say that most women lie about their age and ESPECIALLY weight. On my dates I found some women boring and some that didn't look like their picture.
I am beginning to understand the frustrations of men on plentyoffish. It's like the girls aren't even trying. Plus, most women lie heavily on their profiles.
I have been on the service nearly two years, and women are not any better. The Princess attitude abounds, and women are unlikely to even reply to a serious initial post.
I think a lot of women are on merely for the ego-boost of having strangers compliment them.
Both of the anonymous posts above are 100% fact. I was actually thinking the exact same things while reading the article, amazing.
Quote "This just goes to prove my theory that the competition between men on PlentyofFish.com is quite weak despite the incredible large quantity."
Most women on POF have their expectations ser a little high … and they still expext those men to line up in their email queue to await approval.
They are just simply expecting too much. Why would guys, at the level expected need to line up in their queue on the internet? Let's get real.
Guys will always go where they can get the best deal with the least effort. POF isn't the place.
If women actually knew how many pretty awesome guys sign up with POF and quickly delete their account within hours or a week or two … they be shocked. It would certainly be a wakeup call in terms of womens expectations.
The guys women are looking for are not there, because the women these guys are looking for are not there.
NOW, you can't totally fault women on this. POF is designed to maximize ad revenue over effectiveness. That in in itself creates a lot of the problems. POF does not provide a way for women to distant themselves from men they are not interested in. The best strategy for women is too pick you they want and chase them. Unfortunately women on POF will only do that for the top enf guys … most of which are lying to be that guy. Again it's an expectation problem.
I view POF as a collection of women looking for bargains. Forget it, it's not going to happen, you'll never be able to keep the guy, at best you'll be sharing him.
Women looking for bargins will only attract amateur players.
Again, this is another issue with the way POF is setup. Without cross match or segmentation for the user base, women hust don't know how limiyed their requirements are. The are at least 20% of women on that site, if cross match was available, would just see a blank page when they hit their matches button.
plentyoffish is hateful and sexist against MEN
I get asked by women what I think about Plenty of Fish. Thinking is for the impaired, DEDUCTION is for people with normal IQ.
First of all, as of now, Thursday, November 26, 2009, one's level of education is categorized under "smarts." Smarts are not defined by professional degrees. The smartest people I know are self-educated. An amateur built the Arc. A bunch of guys with diplomas built the Titanic. Even Moliere said "an educated fool is more foolish than an uneducated one."
This does not mean that I am compatible with the pathetic modern day version of the "coffee shop lawyer" — "the internet debater quack." And I already ran into one of those idiots, thanks to the site's profound calculations.
Secondly, a man who does not know and knows it, is not foolish. A man who does not know and thinks that he knows — is. You do not know anything about love. Inventing an algorithm to match people, when you do not know anything about love, leads to mismatching them.
Thirdly since when are men not allowed to show nipples? Does your girlfriend make you pee sitting down? How dare they shame men for being men! As Baltasar Gracian said "nothing enhances a man as much as being a man." So it follows that the more you apologize for being male the more repulsive your are.
Fourthly confident men do not try to intimidate people with warnings because you can only push an invertebrate. Spines do not fold like wings. You have to be an invertebrate yourself to project the same behavioral response on someone else.
Put two and two together and we have a sycophant, a conniving moral coward. I do not put people down, I do not even put them in their place, but I am not responsible for lifting them up, so I will not pretend they are anywhere else than where they are. If they do not like where they are they can stick their head in the sand and hope nobody bites their butt.
This was my profile mhtml:http://api.ning.com/files/n6x3sJrjsvd3etu-xR6GkNbb4JziClDcaBju18Wlt0s_/PlentyofFishreview.mht
“online dating” has been bad since at least the late 1990′s (after trying multiple sites, i gave up a couple years later… i was too stubborn.)
There is no doubt that women on pof develop unrealistic expectations,which become more unrealistic with time,until the burn themselves out and give up.
I’m sure that receiving 50 or messages a day doesn’t help things. Some like it. They feel they are being worshipped or something. Weird.
Its a dating site. Browse,talk,meet,and get off (the site)
“I am beginning to understand the frustrations of women on plentyoffish. It’s like the guys aren’t even trying.”
Why, is it always “the guys” job to try? I thought women had equal opportunities! 99% of women in internet dating, just sit on there fat butts, waiting for all the incoming, then take pleasure in rejecting guys. I get about one unsolicited message per month if I’m lucky. Women are just a bunch of lazy tw**s who are severely deluded as to their self worth; IMHO.
“Women are just a bunch of lazy tw**s who are severely deluded as to their self worth; IMHO.”
I concur. Especially the online dating girls. some post this sweet and innocent thing when in actuality they are evil raging skanks who put on a good show.
women are unsatisfied no matter what guys do for them. so this is not a real significant different thing from real life.
My pof experence..Well I’m not fat, which seems to be the common beef men have about this site. I’m very pretty and have a great job and education, no kids, ex’s or baggage.. After being on POF for about 2 months I fled!!! I had 128 men on my blocked list who’s messages were beyond disgusting!!! I met two guys in person. The first damaged goods looking to take his anger out on another woman for the girlfriend that dumped him, he was possible the most horrible person I had ever met. The second an honest very nice man with great manners and just a wonderful person. There are great people on POF but they are very few and far between. The problem the good people both men and women get tired of the trash and delete their accounts pretty quick.
Agree with Shannon. There is bound to be good people on a website that is so popular and large, however it is very difficult to strike gold when there is so much chalk around.
I generally got good reply results when messaging ladies of interest; I would take the time to read their profile; aim my attention at ladies I felt I had common grounds with, craft out a personalised message, and a subtle hint of wit without seeming like a clown.
I quickly found that very few of them had much to say for themselves; nor able to hold a lasting or progressing conversation which wasn’t about themselves (several weeks after initial “hellos”).
Maybe there is a flaw in what I am looking for, or in how I approach people; perhaps I am not interesting enough for someone to bother engaging with.
All of that could be the case, and probably does add to the problem; but I really think that the root cause is that for every “hi baby ur so pretty; can i see mor picturs” guy out there trying to get laid; there is a “thnx i just wnt 2 tha hare-dressers nd got teh new panten put in it” lady waiting to be showered with compliments. Sometimes both come away with what they are looking for.
The girls I did eventually meet from the site turned out to be absolute head-cases; and were appropriately named by my female friends and house-mates as “head-f*ck-girl #1, 2, n…..”.
I also think that the kind of people described above are the majority; which is why a free site attracts them; and that’s why the good people will leave.
I am shy and reserved; not desperate to settle for someone for the sake of it; so I left.
Is it any different when you go to a bar; or a club?
30 sleasy guys dancing up to your lady friends and offing them drinks; telling them they look sexy, 50p to call their mothers, get their coat.
30 girls acting slutty to obtain said free drinks, showing their best and sexiest poses.
1 or 2 of each sex who are genuine… If it’s meant to happen, they will find each other.
My experience with POF so far has been horrid. The men on the site have all either mis represented themselves, or tried to get in my pants when I clearly state on my profile that that will not happen on first date or until I get to know the person and that could/would be forthcoming. I have had so many dicks respond, as I do not mis-represent my self at all; and anyone can tell that from my profile; yet I get all these weirdo dates; that some seem to dump me on the first date (probably cause they knew damn well I was what I was, and wasn’t coming off of it just like that – let them go buy a whore).. a few I have entertained, one remains a friend, another guy had a few possibilities but he was far to “in my personal space”; like give a gal some space.
I am looking for a place to list the names of dudes that you other woman should definitely stay away from in any way. I am pro-woman but not a lesbian. I want to see woman get a fair shake at it. I cannot believe all the winy males that have written on here… all I can say to them is to grow some balls, groom yourselves and treat a woman the way you would like to be treated, we are very different, men and woman, but good people are not. Yet we are all the same – we are single people (one would hope they are single but there has been one instance when the man was not single and I didn’t know) Male or female. I don’t mis-represent myself and do not like it when anyone does regardless of what part of life you are talking about. TY
This site is about 90% gold diggers and pathetic b*tches looking for aman with money, career and can offer them long terme security, bottom line!! I had a profile up there and could not get any kind of responses no matter how heartfelt and thoughout they were, I never asked about sex and still I was ignored by even fat ugly women, you want to know why? because I choose not to state or post an information about my job!! Once I came back with a the same pictures and wrote even less in my profile but stated I was a lawyer and wrote a few bland sentences, I actually came off as an egotistical man but still I got many messages from women, I did not even have to write messages because they were flooding my inbox!! nothing but desperate lying gold digging skanks who complain about the guys all the time!! you are just getting what you deserve for being dishonest and seeking out sugar daddies to support your princess lifstyles and your brat children!! ALL MEN SHOULD CREATE BOGUS PROFILES AND STATE YOU ARE A PROFESSIONAL AND I DONT CARE IF YOUR FAT AND HAVE NO LEGS YOU WILL SEE HOW MANY GOLD DIGGERS FLOOD YOUR INBOX HOPING TO MEET YOU!! THIS SITE SUCKS PERIOD!! THE WOMEN ARE PIECES OF SH*T TO SAY THE LEAST, ESPECIALLY THE STUPID WANNA BE BLONDE BIMBOS YOU SEE ALOT ON THERE.
I am a woman who is honest and genuinely seeking a friend, dating and see where it goes kind of girl. Only to find that majority of men on POF are looking to screw anything that moves. I think the site more appropriately should be called Plenty of PIGS. It is just disgusting and shocks me that very few men have any integrity, self pride or self esteem by wanting to sleep with anything that has two legs! Especially in my age group (50+) and further more, the fact most of them can’t function properly to start with… Thank goodness for Viagra! LOL!!!!
Ok, how about I share a perspective from the MALE point of view because women on that site aren’t exactly saints either.
Like others have mentioned, they are over-pretentious princesses looking for someone who has money, good looks or both. Even what I thought were decent profile descriptions never replied back to my messages, and I know the issue that most guys on that site make it hard for real men who want to find a girlfriend hard to.
Maybe the issue stems from all the douchebags who leave typical frat boy messages, but still, my messages don’t get replies. Now, I could have lied about myself on that site too, but I didn’t, because I don’t like to set people up for the worst. I’m overweight and I’m not happy about it, but I am working on it by going to the gym and watching my diet. Maybe it’s the fact that I have that on my page that diverts them away from me. I don’t know, but I’m not surprised if it is that either.
So, even if I leave messages about trivial things like a favourite movie or their favourite band, I still get no reply back. Like someone else said, you claim you’re independent, yet you wait for someone to sweep you away. Yeah, that worked out in the 50′s when women were considered stay-at-home house-wives, but now you’re independent, you don’t need men to hold your hand, how about YOU try to hit on men instead of us doing all the hard work, because apparently nothing short of money and looks, please you.
hmmm, i dunno, but i definitely find this whole discussion interesting.
1. what kind of desirable woman needs to use an online dating site anyway? just saying. Guys you know i’m right when i ask this. if she was really worth having, she’d get hit on regularly every day and by guys who she feels are worth having. if this is not happening, something is WRONG! sorry but it’s true.
2. Ladies, ladies, ladies, please for the sake of all things good and holy stop being so d@mn naive! no man wants ANYTHING to do with a woman short of sex! we get interested and begin to want more when after our penis has caused us to strike up a conversation, we find that you are actually a interesting and enchanting person. then we find that although we still want to bang you; we also want to spend time with you. imagine that! to get a guy to see you as more than what nature intended, ie a object to impregnate, you have to actually have some personality and be pleasant to be around. wow! why is that so hard to understand? no man has any need for a women if she isn’t being sexual. if all i was gonna do was hang out with you, i’d hang with my boys. i’d have more fun and wouldn’t have to deal with so much unnecessary drama.
3. ladies, I’ve been on plenty of fish.com. And although the guys are pretty weak, i have NEVER seen a profile from a woman that was actually half as good or better than most of the crap guys put on. in fact, i’d say on average the woman’s profiles are easily worse. like saying “i’m just trying to get my 100 words in so email me if you are interested” or “i hate writing about myself, so i have no real idea what to say”…REALLY?! and that happens more on the “attractive girl” profiles than any other.
generally, yes there are man whores on PoF, but honestly, that’s to be expected. no matter how nice the guy, if sex is not on his mind he wouldn’t be talking to you in the first place. but ladies, please stop complaining about us lazy, no game, having men when most of you couldn’t “sell yourself” out of a paper bag. if it was not for the fact that we men are sexually driven, NONE of you would get by with the sorry profiles that you post.
So? What is the answer?…
For a decent looking 57 year old
guy on long island with a good job,
fun conversations and creative talents?
I have come across women using photos
from 20 years ago and lying about everything.
I felt so sorry for one that I took her out to
eat- all she wanted was to get me in bed-
it didn’t happen.
Another was morbid over her ‘botched breast
surgery’ … Another told me her nipples were
replaced by the flesh behind her ears( no kidding)…
Another stalked me in my own town.
The prettier girls around 50 are looking to explore
into your life for how much gold you are worth. This
is not love. It’s business.
Another one I felt sorry for had a photo where
she was about 70 pounds lighter. She had on
a low cut top and had a mound of pimples
on her shoulders.
Hard to believe I know, but all true!
There was one woman who I really felt
that I could have fallen on love with, she
told her friends how well she thought of
me. We went out for two weeks and she contacts
me fir the past 4 years every so often to
tell me she is dreaming about me. Her issue?
She wants a rich man. I’m doing fine, but I’m
not rich. She never found anyone and is losing
her house. Crazy stuff! She called me once to
come down to North Carolina where she was staying
in a motel. I told her if I come I will stay in the
room with you and be a perfect gentleman. She
declined. I really do believe we could have made
a nice couple.
Online dating has been ridiculous.
Where can a nice Jewish guy meet a nice
intelligent fun female?
E
My ex boyfriend has a profile on plenty of fish… He is a sociopath, pathological liar. Makes me laugh… in his profile he states he’s looking for a long term relationship, which he most certainly is not. 48 years old, engaged six times, and manages to bilk any women he dates out of money, always promising to pay is back. He has no desire for a relationship, let alone an honest one. He is out to sleep with as many women as he can. BEWARE…..stay away from user name jmw6drj32…… he is TROUBLE……
It’s self-explanatory or should be, to the vast majority of women.
Most men do not take online dating seriously, as they view many of the women online as in dire straits financially and only seeking a ‘sugar daddy’. Yes ladies, the year is 2012, if you can’t take care of yourself financially, don’t seek your magic bullet from the internet.
I tried it out for awhile with the mindset of having some adult fun. Based on the women I met, there is no way I would have ever considered dating them. The issues/baggage encountered were astounding and the overriding consensus I found was women seeking financial assistance due to either their own lack of ambitions or opportunity. However unfortunate for them, I am certainly not going to help them out, considering that’s their overriding concern. Not a great way to start.
I would find your significant other through other means, either friends or family, or friends of coworkers etc. There are much better reliable and tried and true alternatives. Get out of the lazy mindset that online dating is the only option.
Its a shame the perspective is so narrow on this. As an expert on the field of psychology involving dates and flirting, there are two aspects to these girls disappointment. The first I would say for most women on plenty of fish is to try and take the side of a man who is EXPECTED to do the approach. With a variety of different women it is impossible to assume what the girl would want to hear. Therefore you unfortunately should be okay with an initial simple HELLO. Its called an introduction. If i were at a bar, I wouldn’t launch into everything right away. Now i get that this is different as its online, but then thats what the profile is for. Read about the guy, look at his pictures.. get your initial jolt of excitement there, but get off the high horse of entitlement and expectation. What i have found quite funny myself is the turn about for a beautiful girl who wrote in her profile that she please would rather NOT have a lame short message saying hello or a compliment, etc etc. However when she initiated the contact with me, she made ALL her mistakes she protested against. And its scary how often that happens when the girl takes the initiate. To be fair, women are equally as bad at the approach as men on this site. The only difference is that the women hold the rod of power in most cases. The reason for this.. our two separate triggers of attraction. Guys are more solidly connected to physical triggers of attraction where as women are rooted more in personality. This does not mean they can’t find men sexy, but more often than not a good looking man can blow it by being an idiot, where as for many men a gorgeous woman can act like an idiot and they will still express some interest… this is NOT shallow but our instinctive makeup. This leads to why it is easier for woman to harness the attention as physical allure is far more potent and easy to control. So now you women have the power.. you’ve gotten lazy in communicating your personality and needing it to sell. But you are quick to jump down a man’s through for it.. or rather.. NOT
I would suggest to any girl who moans and complains about pathetic boring opening lines that you get off your princess high horse and attempt to approach a man on the same standards you expect. And when you start hitting discomfort, use that and hold onto it the next time you act less than compassionate to a man who is being a gentleman and just introducing himself. Having said that.. there are plenty of perverts on that site as well, I have heard many stories from female friends of mine and dates i’ve been on. Please, note that its the way of the world. A large population are complete idiots who do act like little boys. But, learn to filter through those on or offline rather than reject everyone and you’ll be a much happier dater.
UK site full of overbearing, clannish clicque, esp the Forum, either agree or get trolled, esp women and 3 male regulars who must be multi tasking like hell to put everyone down with unaccepting, verbose drivel,,very needy people who hog the site as a replacement for a real relationaship.Many are not interested in a relationship, borne out by the Forums..just putting people down who don’t agree with the intrenched cabat of long time served “regulars” who have been on the site for over 8 YEARS..go figure..???
Many of the women knock 10 years off their age. I met with one girl that claimed to be average weight. She used blurry pictures, When I met her she was easily 300 pounds. How can you think that is average.
It’s interesting how many men are suggesting that women make the initial contact when we are taught that men must be the hunters….challenge is half the fun of the catch, etc. Yes, it is 2012 but any time women behave as adult, sexual creatures with just as many healthy desires as the male, men generally decide that she’s too easy. At 50, why should we act like innocent virgins??? I’ve been internet dating for more years than I care to admit to but I’m not going to settle! I’m an attractive, successful, middle-aged woman that is very secure with herself and brings as much to the table as I expect my partner to but I don’t want to hear how “the ex” ran up tens of thousands of dollars in debt (ummm, and you didn’t know?) and I’m certainly not going to pay for their mistakes!