We all know immediately when a date isn’t working out. There are awkward pauses, uncomfortable silence and the feeling that we would be better off at home, alone in our pajamas watching whatever was on television. But sometimes, after meeting someone particularly special on a dating site, the date will go great. The two of you are engaged and energetic and really seem to enjoy each other’s company. At the end of the date there are promises to get together soon. And then nothing. Nothing happens. Your phone doesn’t ring. Your email box remains empty. You scour your memory of the night of the date trying to recall if you said or did anything wrong. But your conscious is clear.
It’s an age-old dilemma that daters have been puzzling about forever. After experiencing a wonderful evening out where two people seem to hit it off, enjoy each other’s company and had a lot of fun, why does one person suddenly disappear? Obviously, there are many reasons why that might happen, and most of the time, you will never know. Initially, you might think the worst has occurred because you cannot actually believe he’s avoiding you after the terrific time you had. But as realization sets in, you realize he’s not going to call and you will always wonder why.
It’s all about the timing. As tired as many of you may be hearing that excuse, it’s often the case. Sometimes, certain people are simply not ready to begin a serious relationship. They probably did have a great time with you on your date, but if they sense that you are looking for someone who is in it for the long run, they may get cold feet and bail. Avoiding and ignoring you is not the most mature way to handle things, but many people take this escape route to avoid conflict or confrontation.
A friend of mine had two amazing dates with a guy who seemed genuinely interested in her. They had met on a dating site and their first date was spectacular; the second date was even better. And then he was gone. Just like that. She went through the typical, “what did I do wrong?” phase, and then she realized she did nothing wrong. Eventually, she wound up calling him after a month had gone by and asked him point blank why he never contacted her. He told her he was scared to get involved. He thought she was amazing, but he wasn’t ready to see one person exclusively. He admitted to being a coward. He apologized profusely. She told him he was a fool and hung up the phone.
Online dating is a wonderful, modern way to meet people, but it can also leave your date with the feeling that you are easily dispensable. They may cut off contact entirely and believe there will be no ramifications. They simply disappear out of your life as quickly as they entered it. The best thing to do if this has happened to you is to let it go and move on. As difficult as that might be, it’s fruitless for you to try and get his attention back after he’s decided not to call you. He’s not ready. For whatever reason, he’s not capable of being in a relationship right now. So move on and find someone who treats you respectfully and calls you to thank you for an amazing date.
About the Author: Debbie Lamedman is a highly sought after dating expert. She writes regularly for datingsite.org
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