For years, I’ve heard countless dating experts argue that body language is the best way to read a person you’re dating. I, however, have trouble believing that ancient argument. I simply cannot understand why people are more apt to believe the way a person is positioned in a chair or is fidgeting with their hands as opposed to the words that come out of their mouth.
Throughout my online dating experiences, I’ve made an effort to analyze what my date says instead of the way their body reacts around me. In fact, most of my readings and interpretations of my dates have been pretty spot on when I go off of their spoken words. Furthermore, I’ve learned that there are a certain number of key phrases people often say while on dates that reveal a lot about their characters. For those of you who are interested in deciphering some common dating phrases, here are four very revealing ones to pay attention to.
1. “I’m not looking for anything too serious.”
If somebody tells you they aren’t looking for something serious, you better believe them. They know themselves better than you do, and people say something like this either when they are not in a place to commit, or when they are implying they just aren’t interested in committing to you. Therefore, I caution you not to brainwash yourself into believing you might be able to change their mind. If a person says they don’t want a relationship, they mean it!
2. “My last boyfriend/girlfriend was a jerk.”
This is a universal red flag. Talking poorly about a former boyfriend or girlfriend implies that the person is carrying former-relationship baggage, and the last thing you want to do is enter into a situation where a person hasn’t moved beyond their past love; in fact, the only healthy way to enter into a relationship is to make sure your partner is 100 percent prepared to move forward. The only way to truly know whether or not a person is ready for a relationship is to hear them say that both they and their former partner made faults in their relationship and simply weren’t right for each other. Explaining it this way shows a great deal of maturity and accountability.
3. “I’m not willing to settle.”
Whenever I hear this phrase, I make sure to run in the other direction. This blunt phrase means your date is probably a perfectionist. Every new relationship comes with its pros and cons, and we must be willing to adapt to those pros and cons. We aren’t perfect, so we can’t everybody we pursue a relationship with to be prefect either. I once heard a date say, “I have my five non-negotiables, but after that, it’s all wiggle room.” I couldn’t agree more. Knowing what you want is great ñ as long as it is within reason. Remember, people are people; we aren’t robots, and you shouldn’t let your date try to treat you like one. Saying you’re not willing to settle is almost as bad as saying, “I hate making plans.”
4. “I’m looking for a friend first.”
This phrase sends a huge smile across my face, and here’s why: starting out friends is a great stepping stone to a loving, long-term romance. Saying that you want to be friends first emphasizes a great level of restraint, patience, and respect, and there is nothing more I loathe than somebody who tries to rush the process of falling in love. If your date says they want to take it slow, make sure you understand that they mean what they say. They probably aren’t looking to hop in the sack or call you their boyfriend/girlfriend the next day.
A lot of men and women spend a great deal of time overanalyzing their dates, yet oftentimes, we should take what people say at face value in knowing whether or not they are the right person for us.